I refuse to reinforce any opinion that devalues another human being, regardless of whether or not I personally agree with their choices or beliefs.
I read a father of four + pastor’s tweet last night: "teach your children that they are broken."
I wish there was more to this tweet. I know that there is more to this man’s heart than this example of fifty-one characters which has heaped backlash from every direction. I know he is doing the best that he knows how and giving every last molecule of his being for his children. But if this is truly all there is, my heart grieves, and I wonder how such a home could ever be safe for ones that are tender and growing. Because if you search for what is ugly and broken in this world, it will render you ugly and broken. The pain of the world will shake you to your very core.
To say that some(one)thing is broken implies that one must work to fix it, else it is worthless. Adding emphasis to this implication only serves to bring about shame. Within the confines of this mindset, we must toil and strive to manufacture our own safe place. To stop at brokenness communicates that we must finish the work of grace. It incites fear, which scripture says stems from the threat of punishment.
I must admit, I give in to this mindset far more frequently than I should. Perhaps you are in the boat with me. Perhaps you catch yourself throughout the day repeating things like “I’m such an idiot,” or “if I could just do this better.” The truth is, its difficult to believe that you could be loved as you are, in your yoga pants and unkempt hair, trying to get dinner on the table by the time your husband gets home from work and help your kids with their homework.
I promised my husband I would work on not shrugging off his “I love you’s.”
I watch the news every night, and hear of some new atrocious crime that has been committed, and sometimes I lie to you just to get through the day. Because I know that I am imperfect. I can be incredibly selfish, and painfully judgmental. Anyone close to me could tell you that. And I don’t have to tell you things are bad, because you are already keenly aware.
What the world needs to know is that there is more than this. There is a way out.
The way out is Christ. Because of His death on the cross, we are no longer bound to sin. Because of His resurrection, we are whole and holy before the Father. Christ, who was friend to the prostitute and tax collector, who saved the adulteress woman and spoke words of conviction to the proud. Christ, who said “blessed are the merciful.” Christ, who said “go and sin no more.” Christ, whose dying declaration abolished the law.
If you’re using shame and fear as tactics in evangelism, please stop.
And if you have been scared or shamed into believing a gospel based on obligation and performance, please accept my most humble apology.
Scripture says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. The Word assures us that nothing can separate us from His love. Nothing you could think or say or do could make the Father love you any more or less than He does. Grace is a completed work.
And that, my friend, is a safe place to rest your heart.
Today, you are seventeen. You’ve finished high school, and you’re preparing to move on to everything you believe will be bigger and better and everything that is yes. You are in the most beautiful season of life, just beginning to get a glimpse of who you are and the great passion that lies within your heart. This morning, I woke up to a text message from you, asking what Peter meant when he said that women should have quiet and gentle spirits. And while I feebly attempted to offer some thoughts on the matter, the truth is, I am still learning, and that is hardly the kind of conversation that can flourish in the world of 140 characters.
“but let [beauty] be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of the Lord.” — 1 Peter 3:4
A gentle and quiet spirit. What does that even mean in today’s world, where choices and opinions and the pressure to conform are heaped on us in heavy and unmerciful doses. Too often, it is difficult to discern. I come empty, and I pray for words.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit is always creating. It doesn’t matter if you‘re dancing on pointe across a brilliantly lit stage or dancing with your little brother after he wins his first little league game. It doesn’t matter if you have watercolor paintings in some hip art gallery, or finger paintings on the fridge. It doesn’t matter if you write best selling novels, or encouraging post it notes for your coworkers. It doesn’t matter if you sing opera, or sing the Barney song fifty-six times to get your toddler to go to sleep. Whether you believe that you are creative or not, you are always creating. Because God in heaven who crafted you did so lovingly in His own image, therefore allowing you to take part in this grand adventure of creating life. Every moment of your life is spent creating something. How you live will determine what you create and what is left behind when you are no longer walking on the earth.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit is a woman who knows who she is. Have you ever noticed that the people who scream the loudest tend to be the most uncomfortable with themselves? It takes security to live a quiet and gentle life. It takes not only knowing who you are, but whose you are. Sister, you belong to the Lord. Your worth comes from the image you bear and the work of the cross. When you allow others to determine your worth, your life will become about proving yourself, whether they see the whore or the saint. And that passion and spark inside you? God gave that to you, and wherever you are in your life, He will equip you to minister through that passion. Don’t you dare fall prey to the belief that He cannot use you right where you are. Resolve to know deep in your bones that He is able. Even if you have to write it on your bathroom mirror and repeat it to yourself every day. This is beauty hidden in the heart.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit knows the importance of godly counsel. I think as women we often battle feelings of self sufficiency and believing not only that you can go it alone, but maybe even that you should go it alone. This is not true. We need other women (and men, too) who are firmly rooted in scripture and who speak truth into our lives on a consistent basis. Seek these people. Ask God to reveal them to you. And not only that, but ask God to mold your heart in such a way that you can serve others this way.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit has the ability to think critically for herself. The lack of sound mind present in the world and in the church today burdens me. Some in the church have gone so far as to say that we as women should only endorse the thoughts of our husbands or our parents or our pastors and receive what they say as absolute. But you have been given the ability to discern what is good and pleasing to the Lord and how to live your life in a way that is healthy. Take your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. You have been given the responsibility of creating boundaries for your conduct. Perhaps those boundaries won’t be exactly what your parents or youth pastor or friends at work think they should be. This is something that you must work through for yourself. And that is not just okay, its really and truly beautiful.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit is a woman who serves others. The heart of Christ is the heart of a servant. When you bless others, your life becomes rich and full. Be quick to assist those who are in need. Do your work in such a way that the Lord would use you to draw those around you to Himself. You are the light of the world, called to be an ambassador. Service is often messy and awkward and it might mean you’re the first person there and the last one to leave. Usually, messy awkward heart service doesn’t come with accolades. But the true heart of service does not seek to make a name for itself. Rather, it strives solely to make Christ the center of attention.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit lives a life of gratitude. Every moment we have on this earth is a gift. Sometimes it seems extraordinary and beautiful and exciting, and sometimes it feels devastating and like we can’t make it another day. But we have been promised that nothing is impossible for the Lord, and that when we are faithful to the small things and obey His commandments, He will enlarge our hearts. In the presence of the Lord, there is fullness of joy, and we enter His presence through the gates of thanksgiving. This is the will of the Father for those in Christ.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit knows how to live grace. This might be the scariest of all, because grace moves you. Living grace means letting go. A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit is often described as being gracious toward others, but if you’re anything like me, receiving grace can be terrifying. A woman who lives grace understands that the soul requires room to breathe. It is okay to admit that you don’t have every answer. You will make many mistakes along the way, and those are okay to admit, too. The beautiful thing about grace is that it was completed at the cross. You don’t have to try so hard to do everything right, you simply have to be.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit lives abundantly. You have been given this amazing, wild life. Fill it well. Never be afraid to go out on a limb, because the limb experiences are the most gratifying and rich. Don’t shy away from the excitement for fear of how others might see you. This time in your life, especially, is one of the most fun and adventure filled that you will ever have. Embrace the wide eyed wonder and enthusiasm.
A woman with a quiet and gentle spirit lives out her purpose. I think of Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was so young, and engaged to be married. She had dreams and plans and ideas of what her life would be that never included becoming pregnant with the Son of God. The consequences of her pregnancy would be severe. Yet when the angel spoke that the Lord had found favor with her, she said “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be as you have said.” Scripture says she treasured these things and pondered them in her heart. A quiet and gentle spirit accepts the mystery that He gives, knowing that what might seem like inconvenience or bring about fear could also be the thing that births the saving grace.
Sister, you are strong. You are beautiful. You have wonderful things to offer the world. You are loved more than you can imagine.